You can't just make me
by DNP2013
Summary: It starts with Steve walking in Holly's office ...
1. Chapter 1

**What just happened when you listen to one and the same song over and over again?**

**Words: 2300+**

**No idea where the whole golly story is going, just hope they won't fuck it up like doccubus.**

**Rookie Blue does not belong to me, so doesn't #golly**

**Mistakes: done.**

**Have a great one.**

* * *

At work

"What do you want?" she heard him asking from behind. Holly turned and looked at him questioningly. 'What?'

'I asked what you want ..' he repeated his question.

'Sorry Steve, I just do not understand what you're getting ...' Holly said and turned to the work. The man came over to her, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and he looked at her.

'She loves you. And she needs you. '

'Did she say that? Because the last time I tried was to talk to her, she was interested in any conversation.' Holly remarked sarcastically.

'No, I did not. But I'm her family. I know her. '

'Yes, your family is so known to take care of each other ...' Holly said. Steve tilted his head.

'We may not be the easiest ...' he agreed..

'That's the understatement of the year.' the pathologist commented dryly. 'But you love her.' he stated. She shifted her weight from left to right. The way this conversation went wasn't in her interest.

'Listen Steve - I just do not know what you want from me. Gail is quite capable of making clear what she wants and what not and right now ... it's obviously not me.'

"You really believe this?" Steve asked, his grey eyes boring in her.

"She wasn't answering my calls, never returned the messages … what do you think?"

'I think you're wrong.' He said, now changed his posture. 'Listen, Holly, If you need anything, call me! I'll do any favor for you if you promise me to give her another go ... '

Stunned, she stared at Steve Peck. 'You just do not really try to bribe me ... right? Do you think Gail would want this? Do you actually think ... you can buy me? '

"Holly..."

" Interesting ... ' She tried to get distance between herself and the man. His offer was outrageous and had made her angry. 'Insane! Must be in the genes.' She muttered sourly to herself.

'You had a great influence on her. A good influence, indeed, she was happy with you. Smoother, a better person. So calm, as if she had found her place with you ... a place she was looking for so long , Holly. She deserves to be happy. '

'Is that so? And what about me?' She retorted tartly, but Detective Peck would not hear it. 'I think it would be better if you leave now, Steve.' she managed to tell him.

'Believe it or not - I love her. Gail is my little sister and I would do anything to make her happy again.'

Holly spun around and looked at him seriously.

'You can not just come into my office and ask what it would cost if I go back to her. Steve, this is not a game. This is not just any game, that's my heart, we're talking about here. And Gail's. What we need is time. Time to talk. You can not just come in here and ask if I take it back, ask forget everything that happened and do as if I never had been hurt, just because for all of you, Gail was easier to deal with while she was with Holly. You can't expect this from me. And now I'd like to ask you to leave. I do not want to talk about this anymore. She has made her decision.'

To make clear that their conversation was over, she demonstratively returned to her work.

'Is it actually fun to talk about me and my life? Ever considered to involve me?! the young woman asked from the entrance.

Holly's heart was in her pants and she closed her eyes in resignation, hoping Gail had not overheard the whole conversation...

'Gail - how long do you stand there?' her brother asked.

'Long enough ... to appreciate what you're trying to do ... butthead.' She smiled at him and entered Holly's laboratory. 'But you heard the lady, if you would please go now?.' He grinned and winked at her, but left without another comment.

For a moment the two were silent. "You know, I've tried, Officer Peck." Holly said facing the blonde officer. "Talking to you. Didn't worked!

"'I know' Gail said uncomfortable 'but that was not because I wasn't interested, Holly. I just didn't know ... how. '

"C'mon Gail, what are you trying to tell me. That Officer Awesome is not able to take a call? Or to return a text message? It wasn't exactly a big deal. Lisa said something you didn't like and I didn't react the way you wanted me to do and I am sorry about that - okay? I am very very sorry and I would have explained that to you but you never heard me out. You never let me explain … you just insisted to be the little bitch, you used to be. I am not one of your male relationships, Gail. I love you, I wanted this to work for us. But it takes two for a tango. And right now - I am not seeing 'us'. So, if there is nothing else I can do for you - I'd like to return to my work, Officer."

Gail just nodded and let her. With her head down - she left Holly's lab.

At home

Hollys phone vibrated and jumped slightly over the surface of the table.

A picture of Gail in uniform and her name were shown on the display for the 15th or 16th time. Holly just watched it but never answered the call, never pushed it away, just ignored it. Just poured her pain out in sobs and tears. Just a few weeks earlier. Just the day after it happened. But now…..?

Than the call ended. Holly closed her eyes and enjoyed the silence for a moment. The stubborn officer would reach out for her again. Sooner or later, Holly knew that.

A few minutes later she received a text message. Not sure if or if not to read it she finally gave in and opened it.

_* "But if you send for me, you know I'll come_

_And if you call for me, you know I'll run_

_I'll run to you, I'll run to you_

_I'll run, run, run_

_I'll come to you, I'll come to you_

_I'll come, come, come_

_And if you call I'll run, run, run_

_If you change your mind, I'll come, come, come"_

Holly ended up in another wave of sobs and tears..

"You stupid stupid girl. Why you are doing this to me? Why Gail? What have I done to you?" she cried until no tears were left to cry.

Next day

Holly closed the door behind her and stepped out into the morning.

The sky was grey and the wind colder than usually.

She had a hard time sleeping recently, so she was tired and more receptive to the freezing note in the air.

She was very used to sleep with her holding Gail in her arms, smell her scent, feel her skin, taste her lips. And suddenly …game over. A dream was dreamed. A heart crashed. She and her Officer Awesome... all done at a moment's notice. But she thought she could handle this. Those things happened before. Those things gonna happen all the time.

Holly felt her eyes filling with tears again. She missed that girl and didn't even know why.

No she wasn't doing fine. Holly wanted to run. She wanted to breath again...and she wanted Gail, but she also knew that wasn't healthy.

What did she say to Lisa? No one gonna get hurt? She lied. To Lisa, to Gail … but first of all to herself.

She knew the moment Lisa brought up this topic, that she was in this … completely and full hearted. It wasn't a game, and not a try and certainly not just fun. The scar with Gail's name on her heart burned painfully in her chest.

'This is going to be a really shity day.' Holly thought and started the engine of her car.

Twelve hours later Holly shut the engines down.

Her hands still on the steering wheel she closed her eyes and exhaled the breath she was holding for what felt like the whole day. In the radio she heard that song fitting her mood.

_…._

_Will you still love me when I shine_

_From words but not from beauty_

_My father's love was always strong_

_My mother's glamour lives on and on_

_Yet still inside, I felt alone_

_For reasons unknown to me_

_…._

She listened. No. She couldn't bear it. Not that song. With a click she turned off the radio and

got out of the car, walked over to her door, fumbled with her keys and missed the slim shape in the shadow, that watched her carefully.

Finally home. She took off the coat and the cloves, the boots and changed in much more comfortable clothes and returned to the kitchen. She wanted to shut down her phone, just wanted to sit on her couch and watch TV, as she ffound the text message.

She knew this was from Gail.

_"But if you send for me, you know I'll come_

_And if you call for me, you know I'll run_

_I'll run to you, I'll run to you_

_I'll run, run, run_

_I'll come to you, I'll come to you_

_I'll come, come, come_

_And if you call I'll run, run, run_

_If you change your mind, I'll come, come, come"_

The phone still in her hand, she got another one.

_"I love you, Hols. No matter what you think. I am right here, waiting for you. What ever it takes …"_

'Idiot!" she mumbled, laid the phone back on the kitchen isle and started to heat some water. Her thoughts lost in time, she looked out of the window and suddenly she saw her. Dressed in black, there was just her white skin caressed by the light of the lantern. Slowly she opened the door and stepped in the cold. Her eyes caught Gails. She expected her to say something, but she didn't. Her girl was just standing there, waiting for her to call. She saw the sadness in Gails eyes. She meant it. She would stay there, she would wait no matter how long.

Holly took a step back to invite Gail in her kitchen. No further words needed. Wordlessly the blonde passed her.

Silently Holly closed the door behind the former girlfriend, walked around her and scanned her face.

"It's cold and dark outside, what are you doing there?" she asked.

"I waited. I waited that you call me…" Holly found Gails phone still in her hand. "...and just in case, I thought I'd be around." Holly took her hand in hers but Gails hands refuse to react.

"How long?" Holly demanded to know. Gail shrugged.

"I don't know … a few hours…maybe longer..."

"Stupid girl..." Holly mumbled and started to undress the blonde. "...you are hypothermic."

"I know…

"So why you're doing this?" holly snapped back.

"I mean that I am stupid." Holly didn't answer but went on to undress the woman in front of her. "Holly?"

The brunette looked into baby blue eyes. "Tell me, that you do not love me… that Chris was right… and Nicholas...and all those …"

"Shut up Gail…" she said mad, took her hand and guided her in the bathroom.

"Take a shower. You know where to find a towel and clothes." Holly said and turned to leave. "Where are you going?" Gail asked and looked so lost.

"I go, make some tea." Holly answered truthfully and closed the door behind her.

Showered and with a little flush in her cheeks, Gail returned to the kitchen. She was dressed in Holly's cloth and a smile was growing on her lips. Gail felt so comfortable, although she was aware that nothing was fixed yet.

As she walked down the stairs Holly's head turned to her and Gail saw tears on her cheeks.

"Hey!" she greeted her shyly but Holly didn't answer, just watched her.

"You can't just make me … doing or not doing things, Peck." Holly started. Also she was calm, Gail noticed how tired she looked.

Tired of waiting, of fighting, of grieving, of crying. She was so done with the past. "You can't just waltz in here and … be there. So substantial, present… not after leaving me. Not after breaking my heart." Gail swallowed.

"I am …"

"No! Don't you dare!" Holly blurted out. "Don't you dare, Gail Peck!" now the forensic laid her arms around her waist and started to pace. Gail waited, but Holly didn't seem to add something.

So she began.

"I never saw you mad. Never upset. Never with me. Especially not with me. I pushed and pushed and you always just stayed there and took it, swallowed my bitchiness with all this love in your eyes and I never understood why. I never understood what you saw in me. I tried to understand, I really wanted to, but I couldn't. And now I am staying here… dressed in your clothes… I look in your eyes and expect that this love is vanished but it is not. It's still there but now it's hurting you. And I don't know what to do. I can't just make you stop loving me, for that it is no longer hurting you because if you stop loving me I am not sure I will make it this time…"

Gail looked down to the ground and swallowed several times to make this lump in her throat go away.

"You can't make me stop loving you. But you also can't make me go back to what we had… " Holly whispered and glanced to Gail. "I understand this, but please, let me be with you, Holly… I take what ever you are ready to offer me, but please let me be with you. I need you in my life. Your warmth, your love." Gail plead. "Please, Hols…"

"..my heart?"

"I will take care of it. I will protect it, I swear. I will protect you. And I hope one day … you let me take care of us… "

* * *

***Old Money (Ultraviolence) - Lana Del Rey**


	2. Chapter 2

**Never really wanted this story to go on, but one day … well … you know how such things work.**

**Words: 1778**

**Feel kind of sad how the #golly thing ended in season 5 but I have hope and the feeling Holly will return for Gail - one day!**

**Rookie Blue does not belong to me, so doesn't #golly**

**Mistakes: done. Still not my first language.**

**Have a great one.**

* * *

"Listen Holly, I'm really sorry ..." Lisa lowered her head affected. Holly was her best friend and they knew each other for many many years and their friendship meant a lot to her. Therefore, she deeply regretted that back then the other night, Holly's 'girlfriend' had overheard their conversation.

She certainly thought that the reaction of that Gail - girl was totally overblown, but apparently the blonde had something Holly cared about. She still didn't get it but at the end - it wasn't up to her to judge. So she never really intended to question Gail in general that night … but Holly and her intentions.

As she said, they were friends for a long long time and even though that girl was gorgeous and sexy, maybe a bit extravagant for Lisa's taste and totally not Holly's type but the new kid in the gay block … she cared enough to make sure this wasn't just about turning a straight girl into queer...

But Holly seemed happy and for Lisa that was all she needed to know.

And obviously it wasn't just fun as she said… otherwise she wouldn't be here, glasses down, eyes red rimmed, seeking out the 'whys' down of the bottom of her glas of another drink.

"it's just... Gail didn't look as if she would be .. well ... endgame ... I'm so sorry ...I messed this up.. " she stated again and Holly nodded absently.

She wasn't exactly mad at Lisa. Sure - her friend had the worst kind of timing ever, but ...no, it wasn't really her fault. It would be so easy to blame her but truth to be told, it wasn't her fault, not completely. Maybe a little.

Holly was mad at herself and Gail. More at Gail … because of her being unfair. And being a pain in the ass and… still the hottest mess she ever met so she couldn't get over her … what makes her angry at herself again.

The forensic shook her head.

"The problem with Gail is that she is like a porcelain doll..." she started out of the blue "Pretty and attractive, she invites you to play with her. Her game seems distant and cruel because of her cool unapproachable way. It keeps you at a distance, because she is afraid of you seeing the fine cracks in her beautiful and cold facade. But eventually you catch a look at them and all you think is: Don't let her fall … or she will break .. in million pieces..." Holly swallowed.. "But she does not. She is strong. So much stronger than she thinks she is. Have seen her down, Lisa, she never broke. Only more cracks ..." Holly stared back into her glass and Lisa waited patiently for her to go on. "And now she says if I'd stop loving her... then she wouldn't make it this time ..." Holly's voice trailed off and she needed to sip on her drink to keep those angry tears at bay.

Okay, that was ... tough. Lisa sucked the air deep into her lungs and drained her glass. Her gaze wandered through the bar to seek out the waitress and spotted that cool facade Holly had just described. She raised a brow, carefully glanced at her friend, but that was still struggling for words and hadn't noticed her yet. Gail on the other hand was quite aware of their presence. Her eyes were glued on Holly's back, stubbornly refused to let the shape out of her sight. It sent an uncomfortable shiver down her spine, but Lisa decided to not mention the officer, just turned her attention back at Holly as she continued.

"So, how could I stop loving her...?" Holly asked and met her friends eyes.

Gail was the second woman who had touched Holly so deeply that she was thrown completely off track, what indeed fascinated Lisa by the fact that she was so absolutely different to the first one who did that.

Her eyes wandered back to the officer, that hadn't missed a heartbeat of the beautiful doctor.

"What is she hiding behind that porcelain mask?" Lisa asked and Holly stared at her blankly not understanding what her friend was asking.

"You said she's a porcelain doll, which are used to be hollow, so you can hide something inside of them. What is it your pretty Officer is hiding in there?" Holly looked quietly for a while and thought about it.

"A colibri ... " she said eventually.

"A ... " but Lisa didn't finish the sentence just gritted her lips as she realized that Holly was very serious about her answer. She was tempted to make a sarcastic remark, but realized that the woman at her side was not able to take it right now. So she remained silent and just listened. "... So beautiful, colorful and dazzling, full of love, humor and passion." She said softly. "She's funny and so curious and so brave and ... interesting and complicated and totally insane, but also so incredibly insecure about her heart and very, very vulnerable." again, Lisa was tempted to say something snappy but knew she shouldn't. And so she pressed her lips together and eyed Holly who now straightened up and looked around just to freeze at the sight of the blond-haired woman on the other side of the bar.

"Gail ..." she whispered soundlessly. Lisa winced and followed her eyes. "Yes, I guess that's her!" commented Lisa dryly and felt immediately guilty. Displeased Holly looked at her friend. "Wha ... since? ... Did you know? ... "

She stuttered half sentences against Lisa. "Hols calm down .. I've just discovered her myself ... " but her friend seemed agitated and nervous and blinked several times before re-adjusting her glasses and taking another sip of the drink. Holly was clearly a mess after seeing the officer.

"Wow.. I've only seen you once like that, Holly. And there I thought, you almost were losing your mind." Lisa confessed. The brunette lifted and tilted her head and Lisa realized that this time was … well serious as hell. She shook her head. "Oh Hols…" the forensic pathologist was her friend and she wanted her to be happy. "Your Officer Awesome over there ... and you ... you have to talk." she said finally.

Holly knew that, but to hear it from Lisa's didn't make it easier.

She was honest to the bone, it was painful, it was uncomfortable and it was annoying, but she was telling the truth. And Holly appreciated that. She did not like it, but she appreciated it. Dejected she huffed, incapable to put her feelings into coherent sentences.

Lost in her bubble of sadness and hurt feelings she looked over to the officer without really seeing her before Lisa's words penetrated her mind.

"What do you want? Do you want her to be with you or not? Because if this is just about not hurting her - you better finish it once and for all." Holly closed her eyes. And there it was, the uncomfortable truth, painful, intrusive and bitter.

"You said yourself that she is strong. If she really loves and respects you, she won't do anything stupid ... " The dark haired woman winced. "Or ... you move your sweet ass over there and take her home ..." The pathologist was staring at her with raised eyebrows. "Come on Holly, look at her..." Lisa made her to watch Gail and Holly knew what her friend meant.

"Your choice ..." Lisa whispered.

Gail stared straight into her empty glass, as she became aware of the movement at the other table.

She would wait, wait until Holly had left the bar and then ... she would walk her home. In her own way, by following her and make sure she arrives safely at her place.

From the corner of her eye she saw a person left the bar and she assumed it was the doctor. Gail counted to ten, then she stood up, took her jacket from the back of her chair and let the heavy material slip down her arms, to cover her shoulders as the sight of the pathologist made stop her in track

Wordlessly, with the jacket in her hand she stood besides Gail's table, where they looked for a few seconds into each other's eyes, before Holly looked away as she couldn't bear the in pain Gail's blue eyes any longer.

Holly was ... she did not know what she was, but she felt like a vampire and Gail was the sun and the wind at the same time. Her blue eyes burn her to dust and her heartbeat spread her dust in all directions. She could destroy her with every single breath.

And she hated her for this. Holding this power in her hands. And she hated herself for giving her this power.

But she knew that she just had this power about Gail too, a power that none of them wanted to take advantage of, because it just hurts right here at this point of their relationship.

"Gail ... " the Police Officer lifted her head and swallowed hard.

Both, face and posture conveyed the impression of bad news.

"Hi .." Gail managed to say and looked sheepishly around, not able to stand the dark eyes of her former lover.

"..." Holly wanted to say something but failed miserably.

Wanted to tell her so much, also felt that she needed to but didn't know where to start. Instead, she only saw Gail's look at her crawling up and finally meeting her eyes and as the blue hit the brown Holly began to falter.

'Damn.' she moaned.

She knew that Gail would accept everything.

The couch in her living room or the floor in front of her bed or the sleeping bag in the bathtub. Whatever she wanted, Gail would nod and accept it. Without another comment or complaint.

Until Holly would address her. Until she would tell her that they are over or she is back in business.

She would take whatever Holly had to offer ... just giving up wasn't an option. Not this time.

Somehow Holly smile about that. Brave beautiful stubborn Gail.

That's what she wanted, right? Gail fighting for them?

Without another word, she just walked by.

Gail lowered her head and fought back the tears that began to form in her eyes.

"Even though she would probably walk to the end of the world and back for you, girl, it's impolite to let a lady like Holly wait..." The blonde raised her head and looked into the face of Lisa boobjob. Immediately she frowned. Perhaps she should spit back or should introduce her fist to Lisas face or maybe ... she should simply listen to what boobjob just said and go for Holly ...


End file.
